The Invisible Labour Women Carry (And Why It Makes Your Mind So Loud)
There’s the life you live…
and there’s the life you manage in your head.
Most women carry both.
I see it in every woman I coach.
I lived it myself for years.
And if your mind feels loud, crowded, or constantly braced — you’re not imagining it.
There’s a reason.
The “Invisible Load” Is Not a Buzzword — It’s Cognitive Overload
The mental load isn’t just:
planning dinner
remembering appointments
managing the household
keeping schedules aligned
noticing moods
prepping for the next day
It’s the constant cognitive strain of holding everything for everyone.
Psychologists call it cognitive and emotional labour.
Women do three times more of it than men.
It’s the weight you feel even when you’re sitting down.
It’s the reason you can be exhausted before the day begins.
It’s why your mind won’t switch off - even when your body collapses onto the sofa.
But here’s the part that matters:
This didn’t start with you.
Why Women Were Conditioned Into Hyper-Responsibility
The way women over-function today has deep roots - far deeper than most of us realise.
Let’s zoom out for a moment.
For thousands of years, women didn’t just “happen” to become hyper-aware, emotionally attuned, and responsible for everyone’s wellbeing.
We were shaped into it.
Not by nature - but by structures, norms, and survival realities that made emotional vigilance a necessity.
Here’s what I mean:
Women had very little physical, legal, or economic power
For most of human history - and well into the modern day - women’s safety and survival depended on:
staying accepted by the community
maintaining the approval of men
preserving social harmony
avoiding conflict
not being seen as “difficult” or “disruptive”
keeping relationships stable
If a woman lost social protection, she risked:
isolation
poverty
punishment
losing her children
social exclusion (which historically could be life-threatening)
So women learned:
Harmony equals safety
Vigilance equals survival
Quiet competence equals belonging
Because stepping out of line - even slightly - carried real consequences.
This wasn’t emotional intelligence.
It was survival intelligence.
Generations passed this down — not intentionally, but through the stories, rules, expectations, and examples we absorbed long before we were conscious of it.
No wonder your mind is loud.
You’re carrying centuries of invisible rules.
And even now, in 2025, women still get:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“Calm down.”
“Don’t make a fuss.”
So what do we do?
We internalise everything.
We carry these messages in our nervous systems.
We parent ourselves with them.
We live by them long after we realise they’re harming us.
We manage everything.
We hold everything.
And our minds become crowded with responsibilities that are nowhere on our to-do lists.
I lived this.
Most of my clients live this.
And maybe you do too.
The Result? A Mind That Never Gets to Switch Off
Here’s the neuroscience behind it:
When the brain feels responsible for everything, it stays in monitoring mode:
scanning
anticipating
comparing
preparing
fixing
absorbing
bracing
This keeps your nervous system in a chronic low-level fight-or-flight state.
That looks like:
overthinking
perfectionism
emotional overwhelm
decision fatigue
people-pleasing
constant comparison
guilt when you rest
fear of letting something drop
This is not personal failure.
It’s physiology.
Your mind isn’t loud because you’re “not coping.”
Your mind is loud because it believes it has to monitor everything to keep you safe.
And that belief didn’t start with you.
You Weren’t Meant to Carry All of This Alone
If you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful, disconnected, or mentally overloaded — there is a reason.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
You are not “too sensitive.”
You are not “overreacting.”
You are not “weak.”
You are not “failing.”
You’re living in a body shaped by conditioning, carrying a load that was never designed to be held by one person.
What I Believe
I believe women deserve lives that feel spacious, not suffocating.
I believe your mind should feel like a safe place to be - not a battlefield you have to survive.
I believe you deserve rest without guilt, ambition without fear, and boundaries without apology.
I believe the world asks too much of women - and gives too little back.
And I believe that when a woman understands her mind and feels safe inside herself, she becomes powerful in ways she’s never been allowed to be.
This is the work I stand for.
Not helping women “cope” with impossible loads -
but helping them finally put some of that load down.
